HEALING SEPARATION

Time apart can work wonders. Maybe you’ve asked, or even demanded that your partner stop hurting you, show up, protect you or change in some other way and it is just falling on deaf ears. Maybe you just need some space to think things over. Some white space around all the “stuff” that seems unresolvable. It’s detrimental for you to keep hurting each other in the same ways, saying the same things over and over trying to be heard.

When this goes on too long your nervous systems will become hyper-active causing nearly everything to feel like an affront. A nervous system is a little like a pet. It needs a soothing environment in which to flourish and will snarl or shut down if it doesn’t feel safe. Life is more fun when your nervous system is happy.

Designing Time Apart

But time apart can be dangerous too. In order to be effective you will need to agree on some very tangible things. There are the day-to-day items to discuss, and there are the relationship things that need to be discussed as well.

• How much time do you want to spend together?
• Do you want date nights or be completely separate? Will sex be involved?
• Who will stay in the house? How will the other be housed?
• How will you handle kid stuff?
• Who pays for what and out of which accounts?
• What happens with vehicles?
• How often do you want to re-evaluate?
• Are dating-type relationships allowed?
• And most importantly, how will you each use the time to grow and change?

You may be able to have those discussions just fine. That’s awesome. But usually, if you could have had those discussions all along, you wouldn’t be needing a time of separation now. In (often) one or two sessions with me we can get your Healing Separation set up in a way that will serve you instead of drive a bigger wedge between you.